Jane, this is so beautiful yet so sombre especially as it hits home for me. Pain and deceit have very nearly eroded me away from the shores but something seems to pull me back each time and stops me drowning in self pity and self hatred.
I love the imagery you portray of this lonely, broken lady carrying oceans of pain and hurt with her to her man with outstretched arms that say hold me and tell me everything will be alright and when you hear those words even for a moment everything is alright.
I wish you all the best, Em. Thanks for your comment.
4 years ago
by Ben Pickard
This is a stunning and intensely moving write that I have read three times now and enjoyed (if that is the word) more with every view.
The imagery is wonderful but what hit me hardest was the idea of complete helplessness in these kinds of situations. You write 'the most you can do' and that sums it up perfectly. It's that moment when you are hugging someone with all your might and telling them things are okay and yet, somehow it just doesn't feel enough. But if we squeeze hard enough, it may just suffice if only temporarily.
Stave off drowning for one more day? My god, woman, how do you come up with these expressions? It is both magnificent and terrifying.
Your heroine is broken, badly, perhaps raked along the reefs of life. I can't tell if she's even starting to heal or still bleeding out. One hopes that her stalwart companion takes serious the situation and the advice.
The muscles are strained, the tendons are weakened; he must hold her tight during these tsunami spasms to keep fragility from tearing through.
Such a melancholy musing, Jane.
The metaphors you've utilized her, i.e.; salty waves crashing against cheekbones for tears, etcetera, made for an very emotive and moribund ambiance.
My heart felt so much reading this... the sorrow, lament, that yearning to be held. Ah, you spoke to my heart quite deeply. That last line I keep repeating over and over again... I'm with Larry on that one as well. The way you expressed her pain in so few lines is more emotive than most poems.
WOW...I like your use of words and the imagery just comes out to the reader. I could feel myself stretching out my hands to hold her. as sad as it is to read and feel this it is also beautifully penned with such sadness.
The ending though gives some sort of consolation like you have done something, saved a life from drowning by been there...touching write.
I never got a chance to read this until now, and it's absolutely mesmerizing.
"If you say them enough while she's bundled,
the oceans will recede and she'll stave one more day for drowning."
I have to agree with Larry, the ending is absolutely wonderful. Though I need to ask, did you mean 'one day more from drowning' or 'one more day from drowning'? They both work but have extremely different connotations, cause the way it's written it seems extremely somber, and sort of departs from the glimmer of hope that's buried in the rest of the poem, and if you meant 'from drowning', it reinforces that glimmer of hope, and I can't honestly tell which one is sadder.
I am so, so late with this comment. I don't know how I missed reading this in the first place but my reading on this website is sporadic.
Anyway, just today I was thinking about what calms me when I'm in such a state. Only one significant other has known exactly what to do without having to be prompted or told. The mood washed over me and I don't think he was prepared for it, but he did exactly what you penned in this piece. Held me by my arms, looked in to my eyes and made me focus on his. Bringing you back to the present space and time that the anxiety attack/depression takes from you. So I was thinking about that all day, and then saw that you were online and decided to read some of your work. I sure am glad I did. This is so perfect, I felt like I was witnessing myself back when I was in the aforementioned scenario. It painted a sorrowful but so very relatable scene in my head and I feel better knowing someone else has felt and been through the exact same notions as me.
So I thank you, and I'm glad I didn't read this before today. I think I was meant to find it now, when I needed it.
Wishing you internal peace, and hoping you post again soon xo
(sorry for the rant)
4 years ago
The imagery in this piece is overwhelming, but so is the idea of drowning, so I enjoy how the piece began with such urgency. The feelings here jump off of the page without having to be expressed word for word, which is a nice touch, especially when presented in such a unique style as this piece. Everything about this heartrending piece hit the nail on the head this week.