Thank You Will Never Be Enough

Friends and family,
really listen to me today
for I have realized from my past,
all of the things I am grateful for.
the love blooms in my heart like a
wisteria bush blooms after a great rain shower.
I have tons of knowledge of
all types of flowers and plants
so I plant my seeds.
the mental illness that grew in my mind
suffocating me will not win.
I fight the anxiety with nature and
the love from you, friends and family.
I have fallen
over and over
along with many others, but
I will not stay down.
I will get right back up just like
wildflowers bloom again in the spring.

Thank you, mom and dad for raising me right.
you taught me so much and you aren't perfect
and neither am I,
but look where I am now.
you did a great job with my brothers and I.
Thank you to my older brothers
even though they are sometimes annoying like when the petals of a delphinium drop
are annoying because it is a fragile flower just as I am a fragile flower.
Thank you to the ladies at the flower shop.
Thank you for hiring me once I turned sixteen.
the flower shop is the realest place I know.
I can be myself there and
the flowers and plants listen to me
just as well as you three did.
you saved me.
the plants and flowers saved me.

Thank you God for saving me
when the anxiety medication
I started taking drug me
to the darkest place I have ever been,
where I wanted to drown myself
in sleeping pills and liquor and
go to sleep at night just like tulips, crocuses, hibiscus, and poppies do
except I didn't want to
(bloom again) wake up in the morning.
Thank you God for saving me.

and strangely enough,
thank you to my anxiety disorder.
it will never stop,
but thank you for challenging me.
there's a blizzard in my mind
where the doors are locked
and I injure myself and push people away
crawling into my journal
to write and escape this life
when my thoughts are as thick as a
forest after a heavy rain.
Thank you again for making me appreciate all the
happy moments in my life
because they are much more valuable
than the sad.
just like a rose is much more valuable
than a carnation.
Thank you for pushing me to overcome this mental illness as much as possible.
I used to think some people were f**ked for life,
but now I know different.
I stumbled across a beautiful garden
full of precious people:
mother, father, brothers, the women at the flower shop, and God.

Thank you for helping me see my worth.
every day. I thank you.
but thank you will never be enough.

-H. Elizabeth//the thoughts in my mind

(my English professor had my class do an imitation poem of Ross Gay's "A Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude" and this was mine)