S - Okay it's official..
I am bawling my eyes at my work desk.. Thank you... I knew it was coming..
This is so ..... Well I didnt want to click like, but I liked it on the poem itself not the story..
I wish I had a nomination left.. I do hope this goes up..
The breaks in between each section are needed.. it gives the reader time to take a breath before each new moment.. I felt the love, followed by heartbreak, followed by loss.. I do hope this person recovers.. you have portrayed such a hideous event well my friend.. Seriously... Well done S..
Thanks dear! It's not necessarily something written for people to "like". It's purposefully supposed to make people uncomfortable, to put them into a situation others had no choice but to experience. Too many people are desensitized by tragedy today; such experiences change people, and I believe in order to realize how important it is to look out for the person next to you and yourself, instead of being selfish and just caring about yourself, that insight into such tragedy needs to be had. People need to feel and understand what it's like to be a part of this tragedy before any great change comes along to prevent it.
That being said, it was a very tough piece to write and I appreciate you chatting with me during its advent and giving me advice on the direction to go. Couldn't have done it without you.
Absolutely amazing, heartwrenching and touching. The flow and and layout is perfect, let alone the content, which tells such a sad story based on what happened.
I'd love for this to get a nomination. Really, really well done! x
There were some parts I struggled with because I felt the story was more important than the flow, and I made some sacrifices on that end. Regardless, it didn't turn out too bad, and I have these vivid images in my head during the writing and reading ... I hope that transferred over to the average reader. I wince just imaging it, I can only imagine having to live with experiencing it for the rest of my days.
Regardless, thank you for reading and commenting. Your time is appreciated, as it definitely isn't a short piece by any stretch.
2 years ago
I'm balling the way you wrote it was as if you were there and my heart was in my mouth the whole time.
Rip to those victims and all the other victims of terror.
That's what poets are for man. To make people think. To make people uncomfortable. To be the philosopher able to empathize with individuals who suffer. Following this story in the news, I really felt for those victims and it was a story that touched me, about the two gay men, and I felt it needed to be told. People are more concerned with making gay marriage illegal than saving lives, and it just blows my mind. I tried to intertwine that in with the story, as well as the trauma felt after such a short moment of terror and confusion. Hopefully that made it across; definitely a sad poem for a sad moment in time. I appreciate your reading this piece.
Stephen, this is a such a vivid story told in rhyme. To imagine the scenes in that very unfortunate event...I think that you are a very gifted storyteller and a master of rhymes as well. I am in awe really.
I hope the families of the victims find hope and comfort in their mourning. If only these attacks can be avoided...ahh, it's very heartbreaking.
An amazing write that chilled me to the bone. A vivid tale that transports me to that night and makes me think how i would feel if it was my love killed and it would be beyond devastating. I'm glad this has been nominated. Milly x
Thank you for reading and commenting Milly, it is appreciated. I think more people need to put themselves in the shoes of victims. The first comment, and it was during the incident where I am (In Qatar we're about 10 hours ahead of vegas), a coworker said "Well, guess this means the liberals are going to try to take our guns again." People are so desensitized to these occurrences that all they end up caring about is themselves. Until they experience such tragedy, and it changes them entirely. I don't know, I feel like there is not a viable solution to the gun problem in America, but just having a free-for-all and having shootings and massacres all the time is most definitely not okay.
I found the story tragic but intriguing, because I know what the country music scene is like (more conservative) and I imagined how it must have been to be gay at a country concert with your boyfriend (many weird looks, no doubt)... so overcoming those trials and tribulations to have a good time, it's a beautiful rebellion. Then to be struck down, it's just atrocious.
Anyway, I went off on a tangent, as it seems I always do. Thanks for your time Milly,
Thank you for reading Michael; it is important to me, that people realize those killed aren't the only victims of such crimes. People have to live with the flashbacks and the nightmares for the rest of their lives, whether mentally, or both physically and mentally in the case of the wounded. Either way, I'm glad to be able to get this message out there.
The unity is endlessly appreciated, and much-needed in times of strife and turmoil such as now. As well, you are more than welcome to share this with whomever you like. PnQ is a public medium, and as long as you throw my Pen Name in there, I'm fine with you sharing it!
This poem is penned from a victim’s point of view with all
that love and anticipation of a relationship waiting to bloom.
But, in one night all that is crushed. Words aren’t enough
yet this poem had vivid images, feelings and the spot on
rhymes made it real it was as if I was there witnessing it
all. A heart breaking episode to live through and live with.
Congratulations on the win, you deserved it. Truly touching and well written, definitely looking forward to more of your work.
2 years ago
In the Head of a Victim by IdTakeABulletForYou points 10
ITABFY has a real consistency in his writing and even though this was long winded it doesn't steer from the thoughts at hand and also touched me as a reader which makes it in my opinion a fantastic piece. This made me emotional and think once again of all the lives lost all over the world in this tragic way. The piece itself was fluent and well rhymed throughout and showed the love people had for others that had sadly lost their lives in this cowardly way and it makes you realise how hard times are for those people and those who maybe didn't lose anyone but witnessed it first hand