Swift of the blade

I feel like I wanna sleep all day normally I can shake this depression funk but I can't anymore I'm not sure I can take this anymore. I feel lost I feel worthless I feel like wasted Space, I feel like I'm drowning in my sorrows, I just wanna make this pain stop, sometimes it's hurt to breath, sitting here with the cold breeze from my passed gives me goose bumps, as I try and forget the way we used to be happy and whole now to bitter and cold and constant fighting. Sometimes I wanna cut to make the pain stop or to feel something or just be in control for once. I've even though about ending my pain forever thing would be better if I was gone, I already feel forgotten so I won't be missed. With one just Swift of the blade I could end everything, to finally be at peace to lay in that soft comforting earth. But every time I go there all I see is my family faces and I would never wanna put them in pain. But I can't end my own how do you make the pain stop? when you have no control? If you hold the answer I would love to know..