On my mind

by Xx Grieving from the inside outxX   Jul 10, 2019

What's on my mind? Keeping thinking what did I do to deserve this, what could have I possibly done to Angered God, I keep looking back and trying to figure out where I made my mistake to earn this prison. I was taught to respect people, never to judge but sometimes it's hard but only remember your not in the person shoes, never cheat, always be honest even if the truth hurts. Love with your whole heart and soul, never take anyone for granite, to trust everyone but not the devil inside of some, I just can't see where I went wrong, I feel like the blind man who want to see but is wondering silently in darkness, until god grants him his sight. Everyone keep telling me I'm strong, I'm not strong I'm weak I just don't show it, I'm brave no I'm broken into a little pieces. I'm jealous of people living their lives because I wanna live mine, you asked what was on my mind? Wondering everyday how do I keep going this way, living each moment from happiness to Numb, to light to darkness, from love to hate, from passionate to biter. Always grieving the life I lost, the world move around me but I'm frozen I try to live whatever this life is but it's getting difficult most days. I remember the days when I knew what I was going do I had plans, reason for living, had a purpose, now to numb frozen in time a monster most days don't recognize her self looking in the mirror, wondering what the hell happened was I not nice enough, didn't I not show someone the right respect, did I judge someone the wrong way? So many questions that go unanswered, I try to be the best person I can be, I try to be there for others when they need me, I try to be positive and the best support system I Can be. My only problem is I don't know how to do that for me...


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