I pray

by patrick   Jul 7, 2019


at the crossroads I stand tall
help me in my weakness
that I might be correct
moving on

I am slipping away internally to my secret place
where the corners are all round
the hills are all smooth
and blueprints are formulated
gather around my sub personalities
so that we might take stock

create the life that I deserve

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  • 4 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I really liked how in this poem particularly, I felt like you made a conscious decision not to use punctuation, and it worked in my opinion. That reflection of being at the crossroads, choosing to stand tall. There's quite a bit of introspection in this and the mention of your "secret place" had me thinking. Is this your place of safety? Of belief, of knowing that there is another path? That things aren't so rocky?

    My one suggestion would be in the second stanza to re-think "were the corners being all round". This line broke the flow for me, my brain corrected "were" to "where" and I didn't see the need for "being". I thought it may sound better "where the corners are all round" to correlate with the next line. The mention of blueprints gives me the sense of creation for sure, of innovation and improvement.

    Thought-provoking piece!

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