Schools turn

The cold air seeps through my carhart jacket and I shiver.
Raw emotions that have long been pushed deep down fight to the surface;
And an onslaught of memories
that I’ve tried so hard to forget overwhelm me.
It’s been three years and you still haunt me-
Every harsh word and every love filled moment
Still burns clear in the back of my mind;
Reminding me that this was all real.
That you were real.
And the pain,
The pain is still there;
though It never really goes away.
It just sits dormant like a subconscious;
You know it’s there but
you don’t really acknowledge it until something happens to trigger it.
I loved you so much.
I’ve been asking myself a lot
over the last few years if you actually ever loved me or if I was just something for you to toy around with;
Was this a relationship or were you my abuser?
I knew the minute I decided
to do this case that it would be like ripping off the bandaid:
That I would be hit hard and square in the face with everything that had
made me feel so many emotions throughout the time I was with you but it’s one thing to know it and a
Completely different thing once it actually happens.
I deserve this closure;
So I swallow back my tears and fight to clear my mind from the never ending memories that are flooding it.
You got your justice-
Even if you deserved worse.
It’s the schools turn now.