If you cared

by Sive Klaas   Dec 31, 2019


You took it
I let it
Neither of them matters now
Nor the duds of reality.
But you,
You left me with all of mine
And only of you;
I wonder if any of mine,
halts
and let you think of me.

I often think, if you cared
You'd come back
But you scared
or never cared
But only of walls,
You're a lion
You've built solids
But you left me sickly.
What have i done?

No, you lack Tender.

If you cared, you wouldn't have played so carelessly
You've made me so grotesque
with scars,so damaged.
I'm tired of trying
trying for nothing
Would you,
now.
Bring all of mine,
Back.

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Latest Comments

  • 6 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I kind of like the ambiguity of "bring all of mine, back" - there's the obvious sense of hurt here, and your tangible struggle. That reflection at the end, that plea to make you whole again perhaps, less damaged. How you tried and gave and shared and felt, yet you kept hitting this person's wall. And you gave your heart, selfless, only to be hurt in return.

    There were some consistency issues I felt disrupted the flow, but that's simply my opinion. It was neat how you capitalized "Tender", but I think it would read better as "Tenderness". Or "a Tender touch".

    Also:

    "But you scared
    or never cared
    But only of walls,"

    - This took me out of the poem, more so the lack of certain words to help tie it in better. Like

    "But you were scared
    or never cared,
    meeting only walls".

    or "built by brick" or something along the lines to add something else other than the "but".

    I feel this poem could be a bit more polished with a few extra words to help the flow, but I love the that firm "now" near the end to bring back your humanity, your own compassion and tenderness you gave. For it is yours. Not theirs.

  • 6 months ago

    by Rob

    Feeling your pain!