Who Are You? (Atheist Prayer)

by Faithless Watermelon   Jan 11, 2020

You are a key. Life is a series of doorways down an endless and otherwise empty hall. Every bout of curiosity is a step towards a new room. This new room has answers. It has responsibilities, doubts, insecurities, sometimes nothing and sometimes too much - it depends on which room you enter. It also has new questions to ask. If you're honest enough about what you see, you get a piece of a map. Being smart can help you read the map but being dumb doesn't necessarily hurt you.

If god is what is powerful and righteous, it is beyond all our reckoning. We are here to walk the hall, to rank the doors. If the purpose of life is to live then there is no greater goal than the pursuit of joy. Joy will fight the pain. Being too concerned with where you are without the map is just a diversion.

What is god, not, who is god. At the limits of understanding you don't ask who anymore. You know who, it's just you in there. So there's only room to be one god; it’s made of all that you worship when you close every door behind you. Don't let anyone in and you won't face any threats but yourself. And pray you remember that the self is the only thing strong enough to contain you.

It's instinctual to keep moving until it hurts. Until you don't have to. What you have to do is based on how you read the pieces (of the map) that you get. God is what makes you move. Not "the" god. Just god. An energy, a prophecy, a wind, a nameless questioned Thing. The map you have when you reach the end of your hallway is traced in your god when you step back far enough and look. The power you exert over your existence is prayer.

You know you don't really know. Everything you're sure of is objectively suspect. Yet without any assurance and with the help of pleasure or pain, you move forward. Until you just can't anymore.

Sometimes it seems like your map gets rewritten by another, different map. A bigger map, a brighter map, a meaner and bolder map. Or by god. But the truth is that it's not the maps rewriting each other. The real map is made up of other versions of your map, other gods and keys. Keys: other versions of you that all walked through different doors. But that all went in the same direction that their worship and curiosity paved. Which if you pay attention all lead back to you.
You're supposed to believe that you aren't special though, aren't you? Because it actually isn't fair to yourself to do so. A key that only fits special locks will open only special doors. If you’re not noble enough to share yourself you change the lock that other keys are moving towards. A unique key isn't worse but it needs to find the lock that fits it. Keys get lost when the doors they open have no answers. God makes you move. But it doesn't tell you where you are or where you're going and your questions need to paint a picture of god so that your map has a legend.

No holy book ever tried to leave its reader empty. So paint your god how you like. God is art. God is love. God is what you need to survive but if you don't like what you're living on you won't be moved be closer to god. To yourself, to the other you walking around and even the shadow you. Sight is just a measurement, feeling is power. Feeling is god. All roads lead to it or away from it and every map with no island for love is too fragile to help or hurt for very long.

The more love you make the more there is, the more god there is, the more accurate the map and less worrying the outcome. If knowledge makes you lonely then your god is unkind to you. God is a liar because the point is to live and to live is to die - enlightenment is incapable of absolute contentment. Complete satisfaction deprives you of growth, and love must be grown. It cannot be both truly romantic and manufactured simultaneously. But it can be manufactured and THEN grown if your map is honest and your god is righteous. God is your whale and your whale is your self. Love your god and your god will love you.

God is painful because god grows and only god knows,
failures of sense are the flowers for new gods to own.
Have the faith to let some love go so more can be sown
and be the angel that shows when you're feeling alone.


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