Love and Consequences RD

by Milo   Jan 14, 2020

Hey best friend, I greet you.
with life of suffering to whatever end.
There is no emptying this infinite ocean
without your harsh and cruel lesson.
The love I have forsaken in the past,
are the consequences of
why I have traveled alone until now.

For all that I have done and
the things I have yet to do,
I am who I am because of you,
made to suffer and survive
a lifetime just to end back where I started.

And you know what?
I love every minute of it,
because I have survived
where others have not.

So when I stand there
without anger or remorse
becoming catatonic, taking your
anger and hatred against my skin,
It's me secretly saying I love you enough
to continue to be here when I should leave.

I am your sadness and your tears.
I receive your frustration and screams
after all these years,
and I'm still here receiving
your panic attacks and wild hands.
I am your punching bag that holds all
your goofy laughter and quick smiles.
I carry your witty humor and hold you up
when your world crashes to the ground.
I am your not so secret love that you try
to destroy every time your nightmare
chokes you in the middle of the night.
I am not your mirror looking back at you,
Reflecting all the years of abuse
has taught you to be afraid of the light.

So when you don't take your psychotic meds
and put a kitchen blade to my throat,
I should have left you, or call the cops like
someone normal and not myself.
But I stood there, staring in your eyes
knowing the love and consequences
of losing you my kind and frightening friend.
I will not leave you,
because it's not me you are hurting anymore.
You are only hurting youself and everyone else in your world.
For I only see love, only well hidden.
One day, we will get through this hand in hand.
If we stay consistent with the medication
and the harsh therapy,
You'll see I am not your father or your horrible past.
I am not going to abandon you like everyone else.

You asked me once, "How could I stay with someone who hurt so much?"

I say our love is worthy of whatever consequences that is ahead. Because I'll survive you and the nightmare, pain and fears you can't let go.
We'll survive together smiling and laughing when our past can't destroy us anymore.


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