We dated for about two weeks before I came to hang out at his house. We watched some stupid show, I don’t even remember anything from the show- I just watched him. The way his eyes lit up- but didn’t crinkle or shine- before he laughed. His hair was too short to run my fingers through too. And he was a bean pole and wasn’t comfy at all. I wish I hadn’t let Carter go. I knew that he was in some other state with the girl I forced him to choose.
On the way home, he placed his hand on my knee and slowly moved up my thigh. My body tensed the entire way. He stopped driving seeing the train coming down the tracks.
“I hope it’s a long one, baby girl.” My stomach rolled. It’s not his fault. I always refused to tell him the shit I did with Carter. He pulled me into a kiss and for a second I felt a release but it didn’t last long. He didn’t kiss like Carter. It was a normal, emotionless kiss. Not like the seat gripping, heart-racing ones I had with Carter. He grabbed my hand and pressed it against him. It was smaller. Thinner and shorter but I still tried, but with everything being compared it felt useless. The train passed and he opened his eyes. He pulled away and frowned.
“What are you thinking about?”
“How different you are from Carter,” I sigh.
“How so?”
“Your eyes don’t shine when you laugh...Your hair is too short. Your body’s different. You kiss differently. I just can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
