Comments : Rough Waters

  • 1 month ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I felt a sense of calm wash over me at the end. The patience and love and understanding of waiting with someone through their darkness. Not just skipping over it, invalidating the hardship of what they go through or walking away, but being there when the depths are dangerously low. When there's little air. Sometimes we cannot do much other than give our support and wait for them until the sun is visible again, until they resurface.

    A powerful poem, written with a beauty in seeing the person and acknowledging that they are worth it to stay with through the darkest days. A simple write, but a profound message. I also liked the few words per line. My only suggestions:

    In the tenth line: I’’ll should be I'll - apostrophe instead of quotation mark

    and

    in the beginning lines, "If you were the" and "I’m not scared" felt a bit awkward tense-wise. Perhaps phrase to "If you're/you are the deep dark..." since it would align with the present tense focus. Or have it read "If you were the.." and "then I wouldn't be scared". If that makes sense.

    Lots of love!

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      You’re right thank you so much ^_^

  • 1 month ago

    by Daniel

    If anyone ever asks why form is so important in poetry, show them this. Such a simple, evocative poem elongated and stretched with great, perhaps purposeful use of sibilance. There's a romantic calmness in this poem, which is given a boost by how your carefully chosen words leak down the page. Well written :)

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you Daniel :)

  • 1 month ago

    by CJ Maleney

    Beautifully simple and a pleasure to read at the end of a long day.

    Regards

    Craig

    • 1 month ago

      by Star

      Thank you so much!!!!

  • 3 weeks ago

    by hiraeth

    Congrats on the win!!

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Star

      Thanksss!!

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Meena Krish

    There is a soothing tone to this poem, one where you can relax into. Nicely penned and Congrats on the win!

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Star

      Thank you Meena !!!

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Tanya Southey

    Beautiful Star. Love it.

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Star

      Thank you!!!