Traumatophobia

I was a third grader when the school psychologist asked us about our biggest fears. My answer was "tornadoes", because what's more appalling than getting thrown far off the ground, red dusty winds around you, debris in the air, everything falling out of place?

I remember now the sky of Damascus, in 2013. Mortar bombs look like carmine shooting stars, sound like the aztec death whistle. They can throw hearts to the cosmic swamp. They eat limbs off those sleeping in their beds.

My biggest fear has grown into many big fears. I fear thunder, graves, fire, guns, soldiers, knives, blood. I fear life. I fear death. I fear the darkness, the hunger, the need. I fear closed doors, open doors, news broadcasts.

Tornadoes become kind, when you live through a human-made war.