Dear Friend, Chapter 3: I’m Sorry

Hey,
I'm here again to talk to you,
I know I was just here about three months ago,
And before that about a two years ago,
I know its cold outside,
That's why I brought your favorite blanket,
I just wanna spend some time with you,
I made us some cocoa,
I know you won't be able to drink it,
But I have some saved for you,
Its the way we made it when we were younger,
I miss you,
I miss your warm embrace,
I miss when you used to joke with me,
Telling me all the time,
"Wait til we get older and you'll reach my height",
It hurts to see your here,
That I see you anywhere between once and twelve times a year,
I remember you used to give me the best advice,
"Quit your crying, you're so much stronger than you put on",
I also brought your favorite jacket of yours,
I wear it still and it smells like me more now,
It used to smell like you,
Your intoxicating aroma,
The jacket that would make our hugs feel special,
Please don't leave me yet,
I just want one more hour,
You used to tell me,
"Being strong doesn't always mean no tears",
And I cry everyday for you,
I wish I could bring you back,
I miss you so much,
But I can't take back that day,
The day you decided to end it all,
I wasn't around that day,
Its my fault you're here,
Because I wasn't supportive,
I remember you texted me that day,
"Skyler I need you to talk me out of grabbing dads gun",
No response from me,
My phone going off every 10 minutes from you,
And me getting annoyed because I was too tired,
I remember the voice-mail I got from you,
"Skyler, I need you here to help me",
As soon as I heard that I dropped everything,
You thought I didn't hear it,
I ran through your parents,
Seeing you cry,
Trying to hold onto you,
But as soon as I got my arms around you,
The bullet already penetrated your chest,
As I cry knowing you're becoming lifeless,
I hear you whisper,
"I love you and I'm sorry",
Knowing people are gonna blame me for this,
I'm so sorry I wasn't there til it was too late,
"Its time to go inside", is what I'm hearing,
But I need to let you know,
I will see you soon,
And we'll be able to have hot coco again buddy,
Its not gonna be very soon,
But save a spot for me at the table,
As I walk away from your grave again,
Leaving the hot coco,
Leaving your jacket,
Tears fall down my face,
As they slowly turn to ice,
I'll miss you
I love you