Happy

It still kills me that your happy and believe me,

I know how terrible of a thing that is it to say and to think.

I’m just tired of denying my feelings.

Hating them and hiding them, doesn’t make them go away.

I want to cry, scream, break something.

It kills me that your happier.

It kills me that I replay your words, the ones that hurt me the most.

I hate that I believe them.

I hate that I still don’t feel good enough.

Most of all I hate that I don’t even think the real reason I’m sad is because your happy.

The real reason is, I don’t feel like I’ve ever been.

I think more than wanting to be with you, I want what you seem to have.

It’s easier to blame you then it is to try to get to the root of it all.

It feels like there’s a dark cloud over me and it won’t leave.

Even when I had you, it never stopped raining.