some days is as if
i were an airplane being piloted by God knows what
then left into autopilot
when everything runs smoothly
But other days,
it feels like whoever is piloting me is gone
and as much as I continue flying
in auto pilot the journey gets turbulent
too dangerous
then suddenly
it’s as if the auto-pilot is turn off
and someone tries to pilot me to safety
but this someone doesn’t know
how to fly
i can feel the turbulence
the shakiness as my body flights
through the commotion
it feels as if i’m there watching
how my body’s takes the damage
and sometimes almost crashes
in attempts to get me to a safe landing
fortunately, most of the times it’s successful
but since i’m still functional
no damage is detected
this plane of mine takes off once again
in manual mode
yet i feel like i’m not ready
like whoever is piloting me
hasn’t yet learnt how to fly me
some mornings,
when it’s about to take off
it feels like the accelerator is pressed too hard
and my heart the motor that keeps me going
roars and increases it’s sound
until I feel dizzy, closed to pass out
then booom!
Either this someone is unsuccessful and i don’t take off or
i’m there flying… a bit shaky
but flying
slowly stabilizing
until bang…
i ran almost out of gas and i’m falling
falling..
without being able to control me
then this someone manages again to land me
and gives me gas but i feel off
like the gas i’m being fed is the wrong one
but this someone keeps trying
and somehow manages to take me off
and i’m there flying
Okayish…
But flying.
Other days,
it feels like i’m just there parked
but my heart the motor that keeps me going
keeps roaring as if this someone
is testing it
And my heart rate increases and decreases
as if this someone presses the accelerator
then let goes to once again
press it and my chest turns hot
it burns
So, while this someone
familiarizes with my structure
i try to give it hints
i try to let this someone know
how to fly me
By breathing deeply
by breathing slowly
by breathing faster
harder
softly
