No Going Back

I always thought
you were my best friend
that what we had was special
and never come to an end
but once you had me
things began to change
personalities shifted
priorities rearranged
I should have left after
the first red flag was raised
but I just took it,
saying it was just a graze
finding other girls numbers
and then blaming me
saying that I wasn’t there for you
I just couldn’t see
the way you wanted me to change
like I wasn’t OK
that I was the problem
something you’d always say
telling people I was paranoid
it was all in my head
made me want to give up
praying to be dead
I’d take off because
I couldn’t take anymore
but after awhile,
I’d be back at your door
apologizing and crying
saying this time I’d be good
and you always took me back
just as long as I understood
there were rules and restrictions
that I had to abide
and all my feelings
well, those I’d have to hide
I changed everything about me
to satisfy your taste
and to have intelligence
that’s just a waste
you didn’t want conversations
you just wanted a doll
to be loved and respected
I can’t have it all
then once you no longer needed me
I’d be kicked to the curb
but I was the love of your life
so that’s just absurd
but no matter what you did
I always returned
that actual true love
I’d always yearned
I became a coward
thinking I had this coming
but now I put my foot down
I’m no longer running
I think about everything you’ve done
and the anger begins to build
how I let you walk all over me
and how you do it still
I’ve reached my breaking point
I can clearly see
just how toxic our relationship is
and that’s not on me
so keep disrespecting, threatening
keep calling me terrible names
because this time it’s different
things will never be the same
so what call me stupid
tell me all that I lack
just know this time when I walk away
I’m never coming back...