Dissociation.

I feel myself slipping,
floating off to an unnamed
space between reality and dreams.

I hurry to get home,
out of open spaces.
Get somewhere safe, safe, safe
so I can fall to the ground
and feel something firm
beneath me.

It becomes impossible
to focus, eyes cloudy, staring
at nothing in the distance.

I hide so no one sees,
because sometimes, I can't
prevent an event like this,
nor can I snap out of it quickly.
I have to ride it out.
I have to wait, wait, wait
till I can lift myself up
and be steady again.

I gently urge myself to
come back to the present,
but it takes time,
time I can't always measure.

It disorients me in a way
I haven't quite experienced before,
leaving me exhausting afterwards,
needing to touch my surroundings
to confirm that I am real.

I am

still real.

_______________________

I've been wanting to write about dissociation as I've been experiencing it more frequently in my life. I've also been challenged to document when it happens so I can have more awareness about it (or any possible triggers surrounding it). I think it can be hard to describe, especially to those who have never had it happen to them.