The Choice

by ddavidd   Jun 24, 2023


~~The confession of a deranged reality to a man of reason.~~

Sometimes the nightmares are reality:

Am I right that my enemies are mean deceitful and conning?
Am I right believing my best friend backstabbed me, my wife betrayed me my girlfriend sold me for a small window of opportunity,
my sister shared a bed with the love of my life,
or am I mistaking?

Then, if I am right all these people would become like razor in my past, in my memories.
But if I am mistaking, I lose my trust to my inner abilities, to my gut feelings.
I would see all my intuitions were wrong,
I would lose my confidence, my selfhood, my connection to the truth, to trusting myself and realness.

Then, what is my position here?
What should I accept to be the truth?

Are my friends my exes, my sister,…, - all looking fine in their veils,- insatiably evil,
or am I a man who has lost his connection to sanity
and reality,
because he cannot attest to it?

So, to save my memory, my sanity, friends and...
I have chosen the second option to be the truth:
Being the cuckoo I know is fake.
The delusion that would kill me in place of them, within me.

So, I've chosen death to survive,
to rescue my past, my fake sanity.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 10 months ago

    by Mark Hopwood

    That is sone very powerful words, my friend, my life is so up and down just now too, even attempting suicide recent. Your poem had me kn tears, i feel your pain and betrayal by life and love and society kn general, Everything is so wrong that km even questioning my morals, principles and values cos it seems like to try and be a good man is worth s**t in this world. This isn't my world, none of it. But anyway, keep the faith you have (if any) and Try to build on it, if you can't do that you need to keep wading through the bulls**t until you find sone, km convinced there must be sone good out there. Well I am now, that'll change kn a few minutes probably. Keep writing, expressing yourself in positive ways rather than negative. I've filled big A4 notepads over the last few weeks, writing so much just to try and process the myriad of chaos going on kn my head. You can look back on it later onand take sone positive from it. Write down the positive points thoughts and ideas for healing Bulld on that and set fire to the rest. That's the only advice j have. Take care, mate. Thanks for sharing

    • 10 months ago

      by ddavidd

      Thank you mark for the attention, time, and wonderful words.
      I did not want to leave such downbeat impression. I was examining a different genre in emotion. I was guessing that the reality is self-made yet I could not put a positive spin on their betrayal, how could anyone?! So, the alternative could supposedly be a deliberate act of denial.
      We always deny subconsciously: in politics, in emotional interaction specially when we are dominated or vis versa... We could not rationalize or support all these violence around the world, in our backyard, all the injustices against the others, even ourselves, if we did not master the art of the denial subconsciously already. In relationship, in partnership, ..., we deny betrayals when we are totally at disadvantage.
      This poem was a test for me: To see when the wrong doers are the majority and over powering, ~at least in numbers, ~ one could consciously instead of subconsciously choose to deny the empirical world and facts. This piece is an attempt on that.

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