Ideations.

by Poet on the Piano   Sep 19, 2023


[trigger/content warning]

Waking up suicidal
is like being told the
world no longer exists.
It's only you,
trapped in a sea of
expired memories,
sinking -
a purgatory
without a beacon.

It varies from the
daily dose of depression,
where you force yourself
out of bed,
only to have a shadow
of uncertainty follow.

It is far more threatening.

Its legacy is fatal.

It resists interactions.
It resists the belief that
you are deserving of more.

It refutes the mere concept
of a "lovable" you.

____________________

I don't want this to come across as if I'm glorifying suicidal ideation, I simply want to bring more light to something that a lot of people don't know how to respond to, even mental health professionals. I don't hear many people talk about chronic suicidality, be it passive or active. I feel like so many people are shamed into silence, keeping everything inside because there isn't enough training or knowledge to properly assess suicidal ideation, or be able to identify and work through a crisis, let alone get to the root of why this is such a persistent thing. People may default to saying "stay strong" and "keep your head up", with good intentions, but without realizing the complexity of it and how often we are already trying to be strong.

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Latest Comments

  • 7 months ago

    by Star

    I have a lot I want to say yet not enough knowledge to address it. Only like a year ago I found out that suicidal thoughts not only come in the form of self harm. Maybe this is the ignorant in me. I dont know honestly.
    I know how frustrating and suffocating “stay strong” and such remarks could be, thats one thing I learned not to say.
    Please don’t keep it in, thats all I can say.
    Take care

    • 7 months ago

      by Poet on the Piano

      Not ignorant at all, there's so much to talking about suicide in general. I think it's such a hard topic that sometimes people may avoid out of fear of not knowing what to say - but often, that pushes people to feel like there will never be a safe space to explore WHY they're feeling that way.

      I appreciate you more than words! Thank you so much. And I don't necessarily think there is a "right" or "wrong" thing to say, but I think each person can be different on what will help them the most. It reminds me of times when I've heard the phrase "it gets better". For some people, that is comforting and needed in the moment. For others, it can easily come across as minimizing the gravity of their current situation. Like treating it as if it's a temporary problem that can be fixed, when suicidal ideation can stem from layers of things. It's also hard when in a depressed state to hear "it gets better" or "everything will be okay", because we don't believe it, and we know that no one can guarantee it for sure. The unknown of that can be scary. I know what's helped me before, and I've had to communicate this later on, is just being told "I hear you" then having that person be okay sitting with me in silence. Having my pain be acknowledged in a non-judgmental, non-reactionary way, if that makes sense.

      Thank you again friend.

    • 7 months ago

      by Star

      Thank you for sharing this for real!

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