Here you are
following the same pattern
I've seen since birth.
I predicted for months
that things were not
going well,
and sadly
my predictions are correct
once again.
I wish for once
that you would prove me wrong
and do better
for yourself.
You have no home,
no car,
and no job.
This would be many people's bottom,
yet I don't think it's yours.
Each time
you almost hit it
someone bails you out.
You never have to learn
that your actions
have consequences,
so you repeat the cycle.
Mom,
what's gotta give?
When will you finally
have enough of merely surviving
and turn your life around?
I know
you were never given
a fair shot
from the get-go,
but it's not only you
who suffers.
Your other child
is completely dependent on you,
and even that isn't enough motivation
for you to do better.
It would bring me great joy
for you to love yourself
enough to fix this situation,
but I can't make you do that.
I can't remedy this
for you
like I have tried to
in the past.
This is your life,
and you're only given one.
You almost died
last year,
and instead of it being a wake-up call
it sent you into a spiral.
You isolate
deep in a depression
underneath cigarettes and food.
It makes me resentful
that you got a second shot
to live this life
and yet you don't seem to want it.
I think about the fact
that there may not be
several years left with you.
It hurts me to know this,
and it almost gives me relief
because then
your pain wouldn't continue
any longer.
You cry to me
saying,
"I'm such a failure"
and I have to console my own parent.
The roles reversed
from what they should be.
I have to talk you down
in times of distress
when I never was given that from you
in my own childhood.
I love you
and you drain me.
I don't know
what is next
for you.
I'm not sure
how this is all
going to go.
All I know is
I can't solve this
because this is your problem
to find a resolution for.
You're nearly half a century old
and somehow
I feel more like an adult
than I think you've ever been.
It is difficult
to watch this unfold,
but I have to protect myself
from taking on
what isn't mine to carry.
