An impious night (2 Rondels)

by Ş∂ņďħy∂   Jul 28, 2004



A night is ahead, haunted and breathless
The impious moon, shoved the sun to demise
The murky clouds hid the stars from each eyes
The sky is wearing a gray colored dress

Past makes a frown; its victim is under stress
Eerie thoughts are winning my soul in disguise
A night is ahead, haunted and breathless
The impious moon, shoved the sun to demise

I had witnessed the light before this mess
The dark killed the good and left me in cries
Not sure, that I can make it till sunrise
God, will you please help me find an egress?
A night is ahead, haunted and breathless…

************************************
* I thought it is too wrapped. *
* So I wrote another poem as a translation *
************************************

Troubles are waiting to brutally stab
A mean friend, twitched the happiness away
His swearing made my dear one’s trust to sway
The cheerful me, has turned to be a drab

My smile was what my past wanted to grab
He tortured and enjoyed my slow decay
Troubles are waiting to brutally stab
A mean friend, twitched the happiness away

The wicked made my life wretched by a dab,
My life was blissful, till the other day
Not sure whether I can make through this fray
God, can you strengthen me to face this crab?
Troubles are waiting to brutally stab!

The rondel consists of 13 lines, divided into three stanzas, and includes two repeated lines Stanza One –abba
Stanza Two- abAB
Stanza Three- abbaA, where capitals are repeats

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Latest Comments

  • 19 years ago

    by nandini

    gr888 job trincy....nice selection of words i must add.....keep writing!!!

  • 19 years ago

    by Ş∂ņďħy∂

    Thanks to all those who spend time to read this poem and leave some comments. It truly means a lot!

  • 19 years ago

    by Ş∂ņďħy∂

    Mario,
    Everybody has his or her own views. I wrote the poem with certain ideas in my mind. While you read the poem, you might have tried to relate it with what you feel. We both may not think the same. When i am the author of the poem, how can you say that it made no sense to me?

    I wrote the poem in a metaphoric point of view. It was not about light or darkness. It is about one helpless person worrying, as a blackmailer is about to shatter his/her life.

    You analyzed my poem, word by word. But your conclusion made me laugh. I appreciate the time you spent for reading, analyzing and commenting on my poems. I admit that you have helped me to correct some grammar mistakes.(thanks a lot!) But I don’t agree with your writing style. You pointed out the uneven meter of my poems an error, which I felt was too much of criticism. If your intensions were to push me towards perfection, then I appreciate your effort. But you must understand, technically, I have learnt nothing about poems and English is my second language. P&Q helped me to learn a lot.

    Anyhow. Thanks for your time and sincere suggessions!
    Love, Trincy.

  • 19 years ago

    by Cristina

    This poem is amazing !!!!!! You really have a gift !!!!! Youw rite really good and use a large variety of words.

  • 19 years ago

    by PnQ Mod Account

    awesome addition, Trincy! Great work!

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