Smoking Skies

by La Muse Angelique   Aug 25, 2004


The smoking skies above, they whisper something.
Giving the trees something to breath.
The river who is close to me, is so cold.
I reach it gently with the palm of my hand.
And suddenly I see your reflection, slowly fading away.

So purely that I almost can't take it.
My heart is beating, fast.
As I fall into your fading reflection.
Water is surrounding me, in it's most purest form.

Taking me away from, me
I can't breath, but I do not mind.
Am I dead already?

I don't know.

We are one now, finally together,
after such a lonely time, being all alone.

Where will we go? Heaven?

Does it matter?
I say no
I can tell, you feel the same

Because the smoking skies above us, stopped whispering.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Fixxxer

    Not many poems are portrayed this vividly.. anyone reading this should be able to see the pictures you paint with your words. Poems that come from the heart are always great :) 5/5 -John

  • 19 years ago

    by La Muse Angelique

    Your right there are alot of commas, but I place them intentionaly and yes I wanted it to come over as a pause in my poem.

    I'm glad for your critism, and I will try to look more carefully where and when I place a comma.
    Another lesson that I learned

    Thanks for that =)

  • 19 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    I liked the beginning a great deal, but I think the ending wasn't as good. It got a little jumpy and jumbled around there, and all the "I"s at the start of the sentences sort of make a not-so-good repitition. However, the beginning interested me a lot. I liked how you said "The river who is close to me, is so cold. "
    although you do not need the comma before is and after me. The "who" in that sentence gives the river life, as if you could talk to it, and I thought the symbolism behind that was interesting as well.

    Something I just noticed is that you have a lot of commas in your poem that don't need to be there, are you trying to use the commas as an artificial pause in your poem, because when I read it, I sorta just read it as if the commas aren't there, so maybe I'm missing the point of them. I know you said that english isn't your first language, and so I was wondering if the commas were intentional or if they were mistakes.