For what its worth, i still hate you

The pain sears into my memory, the words being said float over my subconcious mind. i chant to myself that it doesn't matter, that what they are saying holds no significant meaning but suddenly my head clears and the words "you did this" are emblazoned in bright lights and the world goes black. i am stunned as i fall back into nothingness. this space is empty and i can't feel myself moving, nor am i still.
where am i?
the light shines in my eyes like a thousand realisations and the blame is put on me, layer upon layer. all i can think of is you telling me how beautiful i looked.. and then i am pulled back to the present - to reality - to the place i have come to fear the most and to the person who makes me fear it. i have no point here
everything i say is weak and valueless, how could i forget? you are always right
you are real, factual, actual, historical, well-grounded, well-founded, ascertained, infallible and literal-minded.
i am a mess
no words pulled from my mouth mean anything and you counter-act my actions with a simple look from your eyes. inferior, weakened and insufficient i walk away - and that is all i am abrogated, obsolete, disqualified and deposed in your eyes. you smile as you close the door.. gently.. never slam - ever the superior in our relationship - immaculate and flawless - leaving me to ideate and envisage - to capture and recapture where i went wrong... or more importantly, where i went right.