In Control

If i could tonight id be gone
No more problems or facing people
Free from not being understood
Being left here, while nothings going on

Tonight ill sit here alone
Blocked out by friends and family
Disappearing in my thoughts
Every things gone, and i have nothing left

I'm holding myself in my hand
So close to ending it all
Whats keeping me?
Fear of wanting to come back

But i cant take these people
I cant take these rules
I cant take these problems
and i cant fake anything anymore

Everything is becoming more real
My problems always tagging a long
They're always there, everywhere i look
Every time i think, there's no escaping.

They hide in the back of my head
And mess with my mind and the way i think
They don't let me care
Its killing me inside

Now I'm drowning in my happiness
And moving on
Tears of laughter? anger? or fear?
Its never the same

Always changing me and my feelings
making me feel worthless and down
Making me mad for no apparent reason
My attitude changes every season

The monsters inside are killing me
Won't let me feel the way i want too
Cant decide on sadness or happiness
They're controlling me