Because of you...

by Molly Elizabeth   Oct 21, 2004


When you open the door,
you'll see my lying on the floor.
All because of you.
I hope you feel guilty too.

You'll see the scars on my wrists.
From all your pain, and the pain I'd inflict.
I hope that hurts you to see.
I hope it brings you crying to your knees.

You'll see the blood stained on the floor. You'll feel the pain you can't ignore. As you see the expression
of hurt on my face.
You'll feel bad knowing, it was because of you.

When you look down on me,
you'll see tears running down
my eyes. You'll think of everytime
you made me cry.

I hope the pain is overwhelming.
I hope you have to gasp for air.
I hope you feel all the pain I felt,
and much more If you could.

You'll fall down to the ground
You'll hold my cold dead hands
Your tears will fall unto my face,
and you'll kiss my cold dead lips
and you end your life for me.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Fsams

    Hello dear, it is my pleasure to provide feedback for this piece.

    Fsams analysis of your poem

    Heading:

    The heading "Because of you" is very cohesive and relavent to the content of the poem. The poem talks about what had happened because of you.

    Poetic competence:

    The poem is 96% freeverse and 4% rhyming. Thats no a problem but that is just a great style. A hotch potch of both styles make is a great piece with rhythm and good flow.

    Content:

    The poem is informative, mounful and explanatory. The message is crystal clear and the lexis used in this piece are cohesive and appropriate.

    Rating:

    For sure it is 5/5 :)

    Remarks:

    I liked the way you have explained the poem with overflowing feelings and strong emotions. Keep it up and do write some more sad ones. I love them :)

    With love
    Fsams

  • 19 years ago

    by Molly Elizabeth

    thanks!
    much love,
    -Molly