I am so very sorry

I am so very sorry,
But you just cannot know,
Of the shit inside my head,
The longing to be dead.

I am so very sorry,
Because I know I let you down.
Please do not be mad,
I am just so sad.

I am so very sorry,
But with this insanity
I find it impossible to cope,
I cannot see any hope.

I am so very sorry
And I have made myself pay.
I dug the blade in really deep,
So the pain would always keep.

I am so very sorry,
Cannot seem to gain control,
I do not know what to do,
I just cannot get through.

I am so very sorry.
Things used to be different.
I used to be strong.
What went wrong?