Lying On The Floor

I look down at myself
Lying on the floor
Trying to picture another way
Trying to see something deeper
Realizing that it is useless

I look down at myself
Lying on the floor
Throat slit
Blood spilled
Dead

I look down at myself
A moment before
Waiting for a sign to stop
Not wanting to go through with it
Knowing I should

I look down at myself
A moment before
Remembering the hurt
Holding the knife
Wishing I had a gun instead

I look down at myself
As people walk by the coffin
Seeing the tears
Noting the shock
Hoping they won't whither, but realize my pain