My old friend the knife

It’s been almost a year,
Since I came and found you that way.
But I still see your face,
It haunts me everyday.

I find it very difficult,
To move on in my life.
Some days you really get to me,
And I almost resort back to my knife.

No one understands,
Cos they do not see you like I do,
I never told them what happened,
On the day that I found you.

I was expecting hugs and kisses,
As I ran through your front door.
But I knew something was wrong
When I saw the smashed glass on your floor.

I called out your name,
As I began to fret.
I looked out the window,
And your eyes and mine met.

I let out a noise,
A shrill little scream.
I said “oh my god”
I begged it to be a bad dream.

I looked at your eyes,
Boggling, bloodshot and red.
Lolling on one side,
Was your beautiful little head.

I ran out the door,
To the base of the tree,
And picked up your knife,
As I struggled to set you free.

As the rope snapped,
You fell to the ground.
I began to cry,
A low, rasping sobbing sound.

I looked at your limp body,
And the marks around your neck,
I know it was stupid,
But your pulse I did check.

Though as I touched you,
There was no doubt you were dead.
You were stone cold,
And your limbs as heavy as lead.

I moved you closer to me,
And cradled your lifeless body in my arms.
I was determined to never let you go,
I was going to protect you from more harm.

I'm not sure how they found out,
But when the paramedics arrived.
They had to pry me away from you,
And assure me you had not survived.

Maybe the neighbors heard me scream,
Or maybe I was the one who made the call.
That part is all a blur now,
I honestly can not remember at all.

So though it has been a year,
I still struggle to comprehend.
Why did you never say you were sad?
Or tell us you wanted it all to end?

Why did you have to choose,
Such a cowardly way to end it all?
Why did you never tell me?
I would have been there to break your fall.

I would have tried to help you,
If you had of said you were sad.
Why didn’t I ever realize?
Now I feel so bad.

The questions are endless,
And they cannot be answered for me.
I have to be happy with not knowing,
I don’t have a choice, I have to be.

But how can I be happy,
When I still see you in my mind?
How can I be happy?
When there are answers I need to find.

How can I move on?
When I’m so angry with you inside.
Angry that you didn’t tell me
Why could you not confide?

Angry that I had to find you,
Angry that you had to leave me alone in this life.
Angry that you’ve made me go back,
To loving my old friend the knife.

this poem, like my other called images, is about my uncle whom hung himself. these are my innermost feelings of the day i found him. i have written more poems about him and about that day. if you guys like them let me know and i will post some of the others. votes and comments are HIGHLY appreciated!!