Permanent Marks

Loneliness,
Incurable it seems,
Only comforted and subdued,
By fantasies or dreams…
Like a disease,
It devours my soul,
Leaving my body,
With little hope or control…
These cuts on my wrist,
Etched by a beautiful thing called life,
Are only a permanent label,
Of my discord and strife…
These bruises on my arms,
The same shade of blue,
That overwhelms my thoughts,
Depressed and missing you…
These marks on my body,
From eternity’s undying resent,
This inscription on my skin,
From my pain and torment…
Why did you leave me,
Why did you have to go,
That will be the only thing,
That I ever want to know…
So I write my thoughts down,
Onto my skin,
Thinking the words I carve,
Will bring out some answer deep within…
But it only brings tears,
The crimson ones of blood,
Staining my broken self,
Through the never ending flood…
I go to sleep at night,
But before I do I cry,
Wondering why this happened,
Wishing I’d just die…
I can’t sleep tonight,
So I get up and walk around,
Before long I stand frozen,
As I listen to the sound…
My parents fighting,
Like every night before,
I can’t live without you,
I can’t take it anymore…
Without you with me,
I have no reason to live,
Nothing will stop me this time,
As my memories I relive…
I open my box,
And take out the blade,
My mind goes blank,
My surroundings start to fade…
One cut for feeling hated,
For being left out,
For not really understanding,
What this relentless life is about…
One cut for feeling worthless,
Not needed anywhere,
Wishing I could finish,
What before,
I would not dare…
Each cut a little deeper,
Penetrating my heart and soul,
Nothing left in me,
I’ve lost all control…
One last look in the mirror,
At my blood-shot eyes,
Staring at a person,
I’ve long despised…
The mascara running down my cheeks,
From tears long held in,
And so my last cut,
I finally begin…
My hand trembles,
But it will soon be done,
And finally life’s battle,
Will soon be won…
I give up I scream,
I can’t take it anymore,
I hear an eerie voice reply in my head,
Then what are you waiting for…
Nothing I yell,
I’m not waiting for anything at all,
And so with those last words,
Warm blood covers my wrist and I fall…
I stare at my ceiling,
A sense of calm comes over me,
For these final seconds of my life,
I finally feel free…
Nobody can save me,
And I don’t want them to,
I did this all,
To get back at you…
I don’t regret it,
I’d do everything the same,
Now that I know,
The secret to life’s game…
If you’re meant to live,
You will prosper and live strong,
But if you’re weak in despair,
You won’t live long…
But the weak die strong,
For a purpose each one dies,
You are my purpose,
The last picture fading before my eyes…
And with that I let go,
My last cut complete,
And so death takes me,
No longer incomplete…