My Suicide (Edited)

My head is pounding
And my throat is sore
I've been crying so hard
I can not take this anymore

My leg is trembling, a side affect
From the medication they gave me
It’s no use trying to explain
That nothing but death can save me

With no where to go
And no where to hide
I hold myself, shaking
Dreaming of suicide

A cigarette nestled in my mouth
And a blade clenched between my fingers
Trying desperately to make it stop
But the agony still lingers

I know that mere cuts on my flesh
Will not break this torment
They serve only to speak the truth
About the days of agony I’ve spent -

Completely alone in this world
My scars scream out my despair
My body starved and bleeding
The blood seeping everywhere

And I’m wondering
How the hell I can live
I can not take this
I just want it other with

All the times I tried to go
And I did not succeed
Only left me more determined
It only fed my need

So now I’m fit to burst
Craving my dream to be true
Morbid though it is
It’s all I have left to do

I turn my arm over
I’ve researched this with care
So to do it right – holding the best blade
An inch above my skin, so white and fair

Just one hard, viciously sweet slice
Suicide now, not self harm
The blade goes swiftly across
The blood weeps down my arm

I close my eyes
Waiting to fade to black
I take great comfort in knowing
That when I do, I won’t be coming back.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005