Childheart

I once was a little boy that loved the world,
he played in the garden with his mother who loved him,
he didn't care that he didn't have a father,
he didn't know the pain that he was in for,
the moving and the ridicule,
his first little love a nation away,
friends being far and few,
he didn't know he'd remember with sadness,
his life and the ignorance of childhood,
wanting to feel that taste of bliss again,
after another day of dying,
I once was a young boy who didn't care that he and his mommy were poor,
who didn't care that he had no friends,
and that the friends he had would soon be forgotten as he rolled along in the moving truck,
not even that boy knew what was coming,
but he knew what had already happened,
New Bear leaving him and him not being able to find his friend,
the slaughter of his stuffed buddies brought about by an angry mom and the salvation army,
I used to be an angry kid that was tortured,
by the people he called his friends,
he saw and felt the beginnings of that immense burden,
realizing he has no father he cried himself to sleep,
he went to school and cried there as well,
not then finding what other kids had found,
masks of flesh and bone carved to perfection,
facsimiles to put on your face to hide your feelings,
going from school to school now,
knowing he was poor and worthless,
no longer loving his mother,
forgetting about God yet remembering he was alone,
crying that if he never let anyone in he'd never be hurt,
now as a teenager I cry bittersweet tears for him,
the one who used to define me,
the little boy who held the world in his loving embrace,
now I am a teenager, losing touch with love,
wishing I could give my love to her,
but remembering the others who held my love,
how they scattered in the wind like crows feathers,
how I wish I could feel happiness again,
aloft and rising to joy that left me decades ago,
lost in a sweet kiss I fall back crying blood,
how wonderful if I could feel love, feel loved,
within my body I scream for it,
I cry for it,
but I fear it left when that little boy I used to be was killed