What happened

What happened to me?
When did I become this person
This person who doesn't care
This person who doesn't eat

I used to be human
I used to have feelings
I used to need to cry
Now I only need to cut

You beat into me
That to cry is to be weak
I have a better way now
Of dealing with the hurt

I sit in my room for hours
Just digging into my wrist
Letting all my emotions flow
Letting the blood be my tears

Sometimes I wonder
Why you do this to me
I'll never ask though
Just like I'll never cry

People always insult self harmers
Always calling them selfish
How come they don't understand
What they say makes us do it more

We don't do it for the hell of it
But instead to punish ourselves
Therefore by calling us selfish
You're signing our death warrants

I must admit though
I really owe you a thank you
For all those beatings you gave
As it gave me the strength for this!

You'll never get to read this I know
But my life I end tonight
With you in my mind I take my favorite pills
Take them all and feel them do their jobs

You gave me these pills to help me sleep
I take them all and I'll sleep forever
One pill, two pill, three pill more
All these pills, down they go

Now forever more
I am Gone
To a place better then this
To a place i don't need to self harm

I love you, always and forever baby