My Fault

Not knowing how to explain
This whirlpool of feelings inside
The hateful and painful thoughts
The ‘disease’ I can’t seem to hide

I know I’m meant to fight
But what am I fighting for?
Depression? Pain? Hate?
To stumble and to fall?

Fatigue seems to plague me
And it’s getting so hard to fight
I’m just so overwhelmed
I don’t care what’s wrong or right

I’ve given up on cutting
It never got me anywhere
My crying stopped long ago
What use is it to the dead?

The monotony is unbearable
I’m on an endless low
But the alternative seems worse
I just have no where to go

I look back into my past
And what occupied my mind
I thought it was tough then
I was so, so blind

I would kill to feel anything
That I felt on one of those days
It is betting then being an empty shell
Immune to joy and pain

I’ve cut myself off from the world
I became numb to my emotions
I took the cowards way out, I know
It’s my fault I’m so broken