Some thoughts

It seems no matter what I try,
or what I seem to do,
there comes a time most every day,
I stop and think of you.

If for a fleeting moment,
my posture I can maintain,
it seems if I think any deeper,
it all goes down the drain.

There was a time I trusted you,
with all my utmost fears,
you allowed someone to take that trust
and turn it into tears.

I know that everyone has
some trouble in their life,
but sometimes I just feel like,
mine just stabs me like a knife.

I'd like to say I don't shed a thought,
about you I could care less,
but that would just be lying,
even when I am at my best.

I always hear people say,
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger..
But what do you do when it all falls apart
and you cant do it any longer?

I know that it is unhealthy,
for me to have a thought..
why should I give a sh it,
about us you have forgot

I guess I wrote this poem,
so about me you could see,
that I am not the person,
I am always trying to be.

There are times I hate you,
I really truly admit,
there are times I am honest,
when I say you don't mean shit.

But all it takes is a few words,
I get caught up in a spell
on the best of friendships
always seem to dwell.

If I take a minute,
and think very very long,
then I come to realize
that I really am more strong

That deep inside I know
without a single doubt
that you are not worth
a second to think about.

I am worth just so much more
then what you could ever show
I don't care whose fault it is,
its what you do you know

She may have caused the issues
but it was you who let him down
it was you who let her make sure
he would never be around.

I used to feel so sorry
for the pain inside you felt
In my mind all the time
thinking it was cards you were dealt

But now I'm getting stronger
and I have truly seen
that its just as much your fault
that without him you have been.

Someday you will need him,
as much as he needed you
and you will approach him
I wonder what he will do?

I think I can predict this,
though I guess I could be wrong
What he will say to you,
is I am sorry but you took too long.

I am all grown up now,
who did you say you are?
My mom has told me every day
I was her little star

Whats that you say?
you sent money, tried to help?
Could you ever imagine,
the pain that we have felt?

Those words I think are just a way
for me to truly portray
the way I fell about what you have done
what you do each and every day

I have no doubt left in my mind
that he is better off,
you were never there for him
when he cried or when he'd cough

So for now I will trust
that everyone is right,
that a certain amount of time,
will heal anyones fight

Each day that passes
brings a new and brighter tomorrow
a few more of those,
you wont cause me any sorrow.

It actually does begin
to look like it is true
as there are days I feel
nothing towards you

I know someday that Evan,
you know? your third son?
He will call someone daddy...
only you wont be the one

Am I seeming kind of harsh?
I only speak the truth
Someday you will look back
on how you messed up in youth

Some day you will be judged
for what you have done on this planet
and you will miss every second
you ever took for granted.

I'm sure sometimes I'll look at him,
and remember your his father,
but then if I think harder,
I really wont even bother.

With this thought I say goodbye,
till next time, or whatever
I really could care less
if when I talk to you is never!