Cherish pain's first kiss

Yes I'm all messed up
and I'm reaching for the blade
I'm out of my control now
the decision has been made

it cuts the alabaster skin
of which i was so proud
leaves a line and droplets tumble
leaving in a crowd

i detach myself from body
watching numbly, feeling pain
but in my fascination see
the spreading scarlet stain

i cut a little deeper
and focus on the knife
that with pain, and broken dreams
is my stable thing in life

everything is changing
and to be honest, i can't cope
my dreams are out the window
right along with hope

i can't pin down where it went wrong
when i started doing this
to focus thoughts and clear my mind
and cherish pain\'s first kiss