How could this be happening?

I don't see how I missed it
It's the same set up as before
My new boyfriend
And my best friend
Who is so much more than that.

I have loved my friend
For a very long time
Distance keeps us that way
Friends- thats all
Friends in love.

I wanted my boy
From the day we met
Now that I have him
I don't want to do anything I'd regret,
But I love my friend.

I told myself over and over
This cannot happen again
I lost my whole world
In an identical game
Losing both loves in the end.

I can replay it in my mind
Every move I made
Every word I said
Every fight I caused
And blamed on them.

It was their fault
Thats what I told myself
Why couldn't I have both?
Why won't they get along?
This just isn't fair to me.

Now like a movie re-made
A classic made new
I sit and watch
The sequel play out
And I don't know what to do.

It's different this time
Because more is at stake
Sanity and trust
Not just one's affection,
Someone besides me could get hurt.

I don't know what I should do.
Should I risk losing both?
I can not stop how I feel for my friend.
And I see no reason
To hurt either boy.

And now I'm just venting,
Trying to work it all out
Trying to figure out
What I've done wrong,
How I let this begin again.

*Sorry for the length. If its confusing and you'd like to know the story send me a message.