To Mum

To Mum,
I'm so so sorry... for everything.

My salt stained cheek, my tears when I cry,
Understand me, understand why,
Much more to me than meets the eye...

If you knew the truth on me you'd frown,
Many times I've let you down.

Something I can no longer hide,
Obviously for weeks I've tried.

Scarred myself.
Over turned my world.
Ripped my skin.
Ripped my sole.
Yet I do not feel the pain.

Disappointment,
Of course sadness,
Not understanding
The reasons inside.

Gather your thoughts,
Everything you're thinking,
Tell me how you feel -

Mixed up?
Angry?
Dis-heartened?

I feel...

Lonely.
On my own.
Venture into my mind, you'll find
Everlasting sadness.

Young and confused.
Only one way out.
Untangle my feelings inside.

Forget my past.
Open a new door.
Retrieve the old me again.

Enter my world-
Vast things happen.
Erase my past,
Rebuild my future
xx

For some reason though, I still haven't got round to giving it to her. She can't know the truth.