Just wanted to feel

I woke up this morning
craving your touch
it was all i could think about
nothing else on my mind

i longed to see the vibrant red blood
dripping down my arm
and staining my lightly tanned skin

i wanted to feel the pain
of the knife being dragged across my skin
the feeling as it shreds doors into my heart

i needed to hear my silent crys
my calls for help
my whimpers of pain

i yearned for that adrenaline rush
that sweeps over me each time
the knife slices through my skin

i wanted to be burdened with the decision
of what tool to use

but more than anything
i just wanted to feel
i needed to know i was still alive
that i wasn't just walking numb