Not Wanting Any More

I am scared to face my life
no longer do i have my trusty knife
i have a guy that i love so well
but inside my head things aren't so swell
the lies are playing with my mind
driving me insane a little at a time
all i am seeing is red
thoughts i used to dread
i ruin everything i love
then curse the man above
on my face i did fall
when let down all my walls
under my blankets i did crawl
wishing and dreaming while i brawled
in the distance i hear my name being called
my fist begin to ball
i want to be left alone
as if no one was home
i claw my fingers nails in my skin
knowing all my sins
i reach above my head
my mind feels like lead
tore the blankets to the ground
as i look all around
i scream back what do you want
what they say i thought was just a taunt
but when i hear over the phone
i know why i am not gone