Numb

No offense, but your poem sucks. but no offense!

Great poem. Keep up the good work sweets *hugs*

~Jessica

It was a pretty good poem. good job

"and one day i just mite
lose the game that i have been playing
death mite overtake my body"

"might" instead of "mite."

This was an okay poem. I feel like this topic is a bit old, but I definitely liked the format more that just simple stanzas. You rhymed a bit more than I would have liked you to, but the variance in syllables per line was actually refreshing in this poem, it seemed more like a monologue than a stuffy sonnet or anything like that, which seems more appropriate. I think your ideas could use a bit of refining, but it was pretty good nonetheless.

Hmm...

I have read a lot of poems like this one before, carrying the same message. If i were you, I'd probably (if i were to write about cutting) make the wording more unique. You see, a lot of people write stuff like "i cut to feel" in their cutting poems, or some variation of that. Use your imagination and make the poem stand out from all the other cutting poems.

I've actually said this to a lot of people, but the rhyme scheme seems forced. These lines don't actually hang together that well, the only reason you put the last line was because it rhymes with cold.

"My body gets so numb
my fingers so cold
it feels like I'm dead
just a black hole"

So, just work on that some more. I'll be reading your stuff every once in awhile, and giving some more critique.

Keep on writing,
Dorotea