Illusion

Where the hell did I go wrong?
and how could you stand so long?
when I was lost in a dream
you never cried, never screamed
you watched me cut, you watched me bleed
but never did you try to flee
I burned the church in which you prayed
so I could make you run away
but you didn't, you asked for more
you weren't the same as before
you laughed at me with every sigh
I could not bare to say goodbye
I sought out vengeance in this gun
but once again I had to run
the sun burned my skin once again
but this time I did not pretend,
pretend to be what I am not
so I left you alone so you could rot
I snapped your bones out of place
but not one tear ran down your face
are you immortal?or just a ghost,
or just an illusion at the most?
you sure scared me out of my mind
but I still could not leave you behind
I banged my head against the wall
waiting for myself to finally fall
you picked me up, layed me in bed
and cried for me as if I were dead
I'm not a corpse, I am alive!
what's wrong with you, tell me why
I'm in this room, in these woods
I would leave, if I could
But I am chained, I am trapped
and this poem is a piece of crap
am I crazy, is this for real?
is this how I really feel?
am I suicidal, am I already dead?
or is this all just in my head
Is this blood in my hands?
tell me why I can't understand..