Cant do it anymore

Oh dear god, I can’t do it anymore

**Please I know that this is very bad, but it just kinda came out. Please don’t be afraid to criticize me! Thanks**

“Oh dear god!
I can’t do this anymore”
I shout aimlessly up to the sky
And then crumble to the floor

I’m so sick of shedding tears
Why can’t dad just call me back?
Is there something wrong with me?
What is it that I lack?

I’m sick of all the endless fears
Crying out into the night
“Mommy please lets just not do this
I don’t want to have to fight”

My face in my hands
And my knees locked in my arms
I cry out to the heavens
Show them my self-harm

Not only is it cutting
But now I’m vomiting too
“I don’t know what else in this life
You want to put me through!

I do everything I’m supposed to
I do what I think is right
I stopped doing foolish things
But now I have to fight

I have to fight to live
Because I don’t want to anymore!”
And when I have nothing left to say
I stagger toward the door

The rain that pours down on me
Feels like my very own tears
But I wish it would wake me from my sadness
Chase away these fears

I still hang my head down low
When I get into the bathroom
Tempted to take out the razor
I want this over soon

Unclear of my decision
I get it out just in case
I walk over to the mirror
And stare deep into my face

I look into my eyes
I try real hard to see
What the hell went wrong?
What happened to me.

But the answers that I seek
Are no where to be found
I begin to fiercely cut my skin
And suddenly there’s no sound

Then a knock is at the door
Mommy’s voice is what I hear
A rush of feeling flows through me
I realize that it’s fear

“Yeah, Ma, I’m fine”
I begin to silently pray
That she will get the hint
And just find the heart to walk away

I hear her footsteps walking
Backward down the hall
The fear begins to subside
And a tear begins to fall

I cut and cut
Until I can’t anymore
I fell dizzy, lightheaded
Then fall to the floor

I pray it’s finally over
So I know longer have to fight
The strength was drained from me
And I know longer cared what was right