My Death For Lost Love

I watch you walk out the door,
My tears falling like rain.
But you don't take notice.
I know that you're hurting...
And its too much for you to handle.
That turning back,
And seeing me cry,
Would makes things worse for you.
But you seem so cold,
So emotionless.
And it hurts.
I feel like my heart has been ripped out,
Like something is wringing tears out of me.
Sobs wrack my body,
As I hear your car leave and I run to my room.
Pulling my blade from under the bed,
The bed we shared for two years, I sit.
Pulling it across my white skin,
I feel the pain rush over me.
All of my tears stop,
As I grind the blade into my arm.
Blood runs from my arm,
I begin to feel weak, but keep cutting,
Until I have no energy left.
I feel faint, as if I'm drifting to heaven.
And my life flashes before my eyes.
The days of my tattered childhood,
Of finally getting out,
Buying my first car,
My first job.
And finally finding you,
And the happiness we had shared.
All of the good times that we had,
All of the smiles we shared,
All of the sweet things whispered,
And the I love you's.
But then I come back to reality,
Just as I get ready to leave.
And I look around the room,
The room we shared,
The room we made love in,
The room we made our baby in.
I manage to grab a pen and pencil,
And scribble down,
To our beautiful baby girl,
A letter.
The last one I’ll ever write.
I tell her,
That I’m sorry, and that I’ll never forgive myself.
But its something I have to do,
It’s the best thing for Mommy..
And its not fair to my baby girl,
But her daddy will take care of her,
Better than I could.
I tell her that I love her,
That I always will,
And I hope she remembers
I did it because I thought it was the best thing for everyone.
Letting the pen fall from my shaking hand,
I let my body follow,
And as I call out my daughter’s name,
Sarah-Lynn,
I hear the distant sound of my boyfriend,
Running to my side,
Screaming my name,
I look at his fading face,
And tell him that all I did was love him.
“That’s all I did....” I whisper.....