The Reason

There's something that I've told you
That's hurt you deep inside
And I don't know how to keep you
As someone with whom I confide
The secrets about me and my life
The stupid things I do
I'm not quite sure if you believe me
But every word is true
I would never lie to you
I couldn't bear that weight
But meeting and falling in love
Could only have been our fate
I can't change my past
Though it hurts you so
But I do think it's better that
I tell you so you know
That yes, I used to cut myself
And I had eating disorders, too
But, now I'm through with all of that
Or I'm trying to make that thought true
It's very hard everyday
To not take the blade to my skin
Let physical pain take over
And let the internal pain run thin
You don't know the feelings
The anger, the sadness, the hate
Sealed inside, but the blade lets free
So I can return to a happier state
It's such a rush, and it feels so good
You can't know unless you've tried
And you wouldn't try unless you knew
That no longer would you cry
You don't cry when you do it
It dries your tears right up
You feel so much better with yourself
Even after just a tiny cut
It's a secret addiction
Not the easiest to find
People can hide it very well
There is no certain kind
Of person who does it
Though their mental states about the same
The constant feelings of emptiness
And the knowledge of such shallow veins
There are some variations
But I mentioned only mine
And now you know just how I feel
So when our fingers entwine
Don't question me about my scars
Or why I made them there
Because I'll never give you an answer
I'll just act unaware