Passed it???

I've stopped that habit
I've fought it so long
I thought I moved passed it
But now the urge is strong

I'm trying to fight it
But the idea runs through my head
I dont want to be upset
I just want to be dead

What happened all a sudden
To make me this way
I thought I was better
And thats what others say

But if I was better
couldn't I fight
It's just I don't want to
Because it feels so right