MY STUPID POEM ABOUT WHATS IN MY STUPID BRAIN...unfinished

I want to feel something,
Anything.
If that means pain then pain it is.
I smile but I never feel it,
I laugh but I never mean it;
I talk but it is never what I want to say.

I'm in one of the hardest parts of my life now,
But I am holding it together on the outside,
Even manage to smile.
Inside my head I just want it to end
I want to feel something,
Anything
But all I feel is pain.
Happiness doesn't penetrate my soul,
Nor does faith, hope or love.

I say I love you when I know I should feel it,
But I have never felt an emotion that I couldn’t stop in its tracks and push it out as fast as it was felt.
That’s where my love goes
I don’t let it,
On the way out it only hurts.