Unexpected

I never saw it coming
My heart has never been so blind
I'll try letting go of my emotions
But they're so very hard to find

Your death, it surely surprised us
Your family, your friends and I
We're taken aback by your ideas
Of wanting and wishing to die

It's hard to believe your heart's not beating
That your blood has been withdrawn
And you will never again see the light of day
Your grace and your smile is gone

But I can still not fathom
The reason why you took your life
And I wonder about your troubles
And how they caused you so much strife

And it angers me how you never told us
About how you really felt
For every problem can be solved
As every issue can be dealt

And I still despise your wicked plan
Of taking your life to flee
To rid all the pain you've ever felt
So it can all be dumped on me

The pain that you have left with me
Will never cease or fade away
It'll sear as the stars twinkle in the night
And it'll sting when the sky is gray

And I know that the sun was shining
And all the sky was blue
But the day was still morose and cold
The day we buried you

And as they lowered your casket
Into the earth's cold dirt
I couldn't help but clutch my heart
As I was tossed into a world of hurt

And whenever the sun shines it's bright light
I'll remember the day we had to part
I'll the remember the way my tears stung my eyes
And the pain that had cut through my heart

And other than my hopeless heart
I felt my poor soul shatter
3 things that cannot be replaced
But now it doesn't really matter

For you've been taken away from me
By you and you alone
And now I'll never be the same
If only I had known

You've left me with a guilt
That regrets not ever knowing
About the things that have plagued your mind
And the things that were never showing

Your fake smiles, your fake laughs
My God, they seemed so real
But all they were were thoughtless lies
Used to keep sadness concealed

And I wish I could tell you I'm sorry
For being so d*a*m*n*e*d clueless through it all
If only I could've seen through your mask
Which made you look like a f*u*c*k*i*n*g Barbie Doll

But now it all doesn't really matter
Since your life has already been taken
You thought you were unloved by all of us
My dear, you were sadly mistaken

I cherished you more than life itself
More than you could ever dream of!
I adored you with a burning passion
That could only be known as love!

I'll favour you until the world ends
I'll love you for years and years
I'll remember you inside my memories
And I'll cry for you with my tears

And I will wonder where you are
And if the pain ends when you die
And I will wonder if there was
A better way to say goodbye