My Smile Still Stays

If raindrops were the amount of times you have pretended for me,
it would rain for a humble thousand weeks,
the many bruises upon my mind and heart,
the scars which tell the famous story of a broken girl.
I notice the smallest things such as the creases in rose petals,
what makes you think I won't notice how you look at me?
how you lie to me day after day: 'I'm so proud of you',
your fake expressions wash me away, but my smile still stays.

Velvet walls of fantasy surround me wherever I go,
yet I look in the mirror and see myself surrounded by reality,
the bruises pound upon my heart as I realize I am stuck here,
along the long, plain road of truthful pain and anger.
My mind is clouded, I hold the pencil at my desk but write nothing,
the teacher raises her eyebrow and moves on: 'such a lazy child',
just tell me why you must pick at me constantly, all of you,
my mind is the only place where I feel I am free, but my smile still stays.

I look around me and see spots, yet I am striped,
I know that no matter how hard I search for stripes,
I will only find them in the mirror, upon me, in me,
my reflection is the only trustworthy sidekick I have.
I have never cared that I am nothing more than thin air to others,
but sometimes I allow myself to think 'what if',
sometimes I am even angered over my invisibility,
these blank pages of never ending loneliness stack up, but my smile still stays.

© Gurdy x (GoddessOfWings)