Sick With depression

by midnight♥lullibys   Sep 23, 2005


Just simply lying here alone,
hot, but shivering to the bone,
deep inside me where i lurk,
is my story's little quirk.
i may seem ordinary to you,
sick in bed with the flu,
but behind closed eyes is much more,
waiting to rise up to the shore.
twisted and tangled, rotting inside,
is all the guilt i struggle to hide,
influenza weakens my cover,
all throughout the deadly fever.
threatening to burst into a storm,
of collected anger and pain I've worn,
i cant forget all the things I'd done,
to hurt my forever and for always one.
medicine begins to kick in and calms,
but still i wear bloody palms,
my head is swelling like a balloon,
threatening to float off and
BOOM
out comes all my pain and strife,
that I've stocked up all my life,
flowing tears into a flood,
of misery, depression, mixed with blood.
a mess of myself i have made,
but my aching begins to slowly fade,
suddenly a load has been lifted,
and my life seems to have shifted.

*if you don't understand this...its about feeling sick, and finally coming to face all the fears and sadness that I've shoved down all my life....trying not to show it....and then after letting it out...feeling like every things better...i don't know if that helps things out but i hope it does! :) thanks for reading please also v/c!

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  • 18 years ago

    by Dark Kitten

    Excelent poem! Understood it completely! Most people do get sick when they are depressed. 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Jamie

    Hmm okay cool idea very much so

    i didnt exactly understand the ending, why was all the weight lifted??

    some of it seemed a little forced but oh well some syllable balance was off but not by much flow sometimes rouch but hey once again not by much

    5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by EJ

    Hey i like this poem.. it flows really well.. i like the changes in weather like storms and stuff like that.. and the different things you used to show your feelings. there is a word for that kind of stuff but i cant seem to think of it right now.. very well written.. keep up the great writting and stay strong!! bye bye EJ

  • 18 years ago

    by LadyPearl

    Pretty good descriptions. You rhymes sounded somewhat forced.

  • 18 years ago

    by Drew Gold

    Well first off,.. i like the second line a great deal.. maybe its just me, but ive never really heard it descrived as that, and it fits well.. after the fourth line, the flow of the poem seems to break off and get a little erratic.. never adhering to one single flow, but little flows isolated within the poem, it seems.. influenze, though its effects are similar to those expressed in this poem, doesnt seem rightly placed within this poem.. for one, you attribute the feelings/sickness to depression, yet speak of influenza, which contradicts that.. plus,.. it really just seems outta place in a poem like this: the word 'influenza'..

    to hurt my forever and for always one.

    maybe explain a little more, or elaborate,.. i find no real meaning in this line that i can think of,..

    also, the medicine kicking in seems to allude to more of a illness , rather than depression. true, anti depressants would fit this medicine, in a way,.. but they have to build up; the effects rnt noticed after taking the pill for an extended period of time. at the end, your depression is lifted it seems, but by what force? as u wrote, it would seem from meds, but that doesnt quite fit in, as ive said before.. also, u could extend medicine into a metaphor, such as a friend being your medicine, etc.. hopefully i didnt get too technical, but thats my thoughts.. not too shabby on the whole th0, a few kinks u could work out and would thus strengthen the poem..

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